I dunno. But the less and less I want to deal with drama and the more I realize that sometimes things just aren't worth the hassle. When do you give up? When do you let go? These questions burn your mind when there is something ailing your mind. Whether it's with a boyfriend, a friend, a class... whatever. We ask ourselves these kind of questions when we feel like we're battling something that we don't want to be battling.
What's my battle? Right now, people. I am having one hell of a hard time being a good friend to some people in my life. Why? Because I realize that they're disposable. Why should I be a good friend to someone who isn't one to me? I am a very giving person, very loving, very mindful and empathic. But I can't say that everyone in my life is the exact same way with me. So I sit and I evaluate my relationships with people and figure out whether they're worth keepin' around.
Asia, Mal and I hung out (typical and certainly not surprising) the other day and I had them listen to a playlist of songs that I had been helping Bre with for her wedding. Of course, the three of us started talking about weddings. The topic of bridesmaids/maid of honors came up within this general convo. It got me thinking though, who would my bridesmaids be? My maid of honor? I mean, maid of honor is obvi. My sis will be that. But what about bridesmaids? Who has been there for me through thick and thin? Who gives me advice? Who gives me their shoulder to lean on? Who has been a true friend?
All those questions only further led to me thinking about who would consider me their BFF... have I been a good friend? Do I bend over backwards for people? Do I lend my shoulder in time of need? And that's when I realized that maybe I'm not as good of a friend as I think I am. I know I can be and I have been. But there are times when I don't give my 100%. Lets be honest, not many of us do. It's just human fault, I think. I could just be coming up with excuses for sake of self-preservation, but I really don't think ALL of my friends have given their 100% to me at all times. And I don't expect them to. Even when it comes to a simple email saying hey or a text message saying "what up girlfrannnn?", do I do that often enough? No, I don't.
So I decided that I will try harder to be a better friend to my friends. Haha, that sounds funny. But seriously, I will. I don't want to take the people I love for granted more than I already have. It's a nice realization I'm having now. And I'm curious to see where this leads me. Do you think I'll really discover who my true friends are through this? By putting in more effort?
I think me being in AZ has a lot to do with my friendships. I definitely know that. If I were home, I'd have way more opportunities to see my friends, obviously. And I know that when I come home for short visits, it's really difficult to coordinate enough time to see my friends because scheduling is so demanding.
I dunno... would I be your bridesmaid? Would you be mine? Weird to think, right? Yeah. Pretty weird.
Just a side note: the DJ outside at the pool is playing a Ducks theme song right now. I dig.
Side note to the side note: Yes, I'm at work right now.
Last side note: Don't take my wedding talk the wrong way. I'm not thinking about marriage. I was just thinking about my friends. Get it? Got it? Good.
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