Where is my Starbucks singer?

Ok, something is wrong with me. Where did my opinions go? Where are my complaints? Well actually, I have a lot of complaints recently. I don't verbalize them all the time though because a lot of it is in my head. I don't really like to say what's on my mind anymore. I have a hard time doing so nowadays. Didn't used to have this problem. I don't think people realize it. I know the person who notices most is my Handy-Man and he didn't even know me when I was HIGHLY opinionated and argumentative.

hey babe.
HMH: "yeah?"
nevermind.
HMH: "no, tell me."
never mind.
HMH: " stop. don't do that. you always do that. just tell me. talk to me."
eh. nevermind.


This conversation probably happens on the daily... at least every other day. What the hell is my problem?

I've always been a very opinionated person. I used to be a loud mouth; no one could get me to censor what I would say. I mean, jesus, my teen years were all about saying everything that was on my mind. I was one opinionated bitch to be honest. It was probably the root of all the arguments with my parents. I just didn't know when to stop. Actually, scratch that. I knew when to stop, I just wouldn't. But I've always been a talker and I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, kinda. Regardless, I would always voice what was on my mind. Anyway...

My lack of communication isn't just with my H-M, it's with a lot of people. I hold my stress and opinions in. Now, I just wanna scream. There is a lot of stuff going on at work and I'm feeling a lot of stress. Why? Maybe because the spa is closed on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays now. Or perhaps because my hours got cut in half. Or perhaps because this is forcing me to find a second job. So yeah, work stress is great right now.

But since I'm holding a lot of it in, I feel like I'm running myself down. I'm getting back into bad sleeping habits. Not on purpose of course, but it's harder for me to go to sleep and stay asleep. Anxietyyyyy. I know I don't need a vacation. Number ONE: I was just on vacation. Number TWO: That's what my Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays have become for me now that the spa is closed half the week. I think I need to start exercising A LOT. I need to punch things and kick things and grunt and scream in pain just to avoid the urge to punch and kick human beings. That might make me feel better.

I'm thinking I'm going to take a hike soon, too. Climb to the top of a damn mountain and scream at the top of it. That would be awesome.

I hope that my inner-stress and anxiety isn't affecting my actual persona though. I mean, lets get real. When you're stressed and anxious, I'm pretty sure you don't come off all peachy. People are probably thinking that I'm a bitch or that I'm PMSing. Which by the way, I'm not PMSing, so get over it.

I dunno. I need to do something about this. I think some of it has to do with the fact that I can't write right now. I pick up my journal and just CANNOT do it. Damn writer's block. Even typing this blog post out seems difficult to me. What the hell?

You know what I need? I need my Starbucks guy to sing me some Frank again. Yeah, that's what I need.