No me gusta la cucaracha.

Umm, yeah, like the song... "La cucaracha, La cucaracha, ya no puede caminar. Porque le falte, porque no tiene dinero para gastar" and whatever and so on and etc.

But really, cockroach. OH EM GEE. I cannot stand cockroaches. They're freakin' disgusting, gross crawley things that freak me out. Like, horribly. Oh, so gross. I'm shivering in my skin right now thinking about it. Ugh.

So you would probably like this story. It starts with the cockroach and ends with a terrified, jaunted woman, a.k.a. me.

So I was in class on Wednesday of last week typing out a crap load of lecture notes because that's what I do three hours a night, two nights a week, when I see something on the ground from the corner of my eye. Yep, a cockroach. Now, I didn't squeal or scream or run away like I typically and naturally do. I just sat there and calmly put my feet up off the ground and slowly moved my purse and book bag and figured it would crawl to the other side of the room because I didn't want to make a scene and disrupt class. Sure enough, I watched it scurry under the chairs of my fellow classmates to the other side of the room where all the guys sit.

Ten minutes later, the damn thing fell from the ceiling onto MY desk, crawled all over my papers, my computer, my pen and my notebook. Now, I didn't sit at my desk to watch the damn thing violate my belongings with it's freakin' legs (oh god I'm so disgusted just typing this). I threw myself back in my chair, screamed, squealed, cried like a sissy pants and darted across the room and pitied myself while my professor and classmates watched with perplexed horror at my actions. My professor stood at the front of the class going "Lauren, Lauren what's going on? Lauren?" I couldn't answer the dude. I was mortified and now hysterically laughing at myself because I realized what a big doof I must have looked like. Then, all of a sudden, a wave of students started standing up and freaking out (specifically the females and the weird vampire guy who sits in front of me). It was like a domino effect but with no one falling but standing up instead. The cockroach scurried onto the floor, under the chairs and tables and to the side of the room that I was clinging to at the time. It took 5 guys (every guy in the class) to kill this thing. It wouldn't die! They kept stomping on the damn thing and it wouldn't freakin' die. Finally, the football player smashed it and I was able to return to my seat for the remainder of class.

However, I was mortified for the rest of class. It was awful. I kept seeing this Alfred Hitchcock meets Stephen King movie where all the cockroaches in the world would fall from the ceiling that roofed me and splatter me and eat me alive. No lie. I was freaked out for the rest of class debating whether or not I should stay in the class within my crazy ass head.

It is now Monday night, I am sitting in class, obviously not paying attention, and the guts and skeleton of the cockroach are still on the carpet.

I'm going to write to the Arizona Board of Education and demand that there be room for exterminator and janitor expenses. Quality of learning? Terrifyingly dreadful.