Realization

This post is about how thankful I am for growing up and maturing. I feel like I become wiser with each birthday. Not saying that I'm really wise or anything, but I can tell I'm more mature, more responsible and more apt to dealing with the unexpected.

What I've been doing the past few weeks, aside from talking to mom like a million times a day, schoolin' and workin', is reflecting on myself and all the people that have come in and out of my life. The past few weeks, I was trying to figure out why I didn't have as many friends as I did back in high school or even in college. I was feeling bad about it, really. I couldn't really figure it out. I'm caring, kind, considerate, extremely giving (if not overly giving), and very willing. I'm all about being a good friend, being there for people and be there to lend a hand, an ear, a shoulder. And I say that with confidence. But then I looked at why certain people aren't in my life anymore... and then I came down to this: Because I didn't want them to be. Sounds weird, right? Let me explain.

Like I said, I'd basically go out of my way for you any day if you're a true friend of mine. For the most part, I'm so nice that I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I excuse certain things like you blowing me off, not taking time to perhaps coordinate schedules with me, not calling me back and so forth. Everyone gets busy, has life to deal with, etc etc etc and I understand that. However, when it gets to a point where it's repetitive, excessive and inexcusable, I back away and let you contact me when it's "convenient" for you. When you don't contact me, when you make no effort to be my friend, then you're not my friend and that's that. Plain and simple.

Now, what I realize is this: I have expectations for friends now that I didn't have before when I had "a lot" of friends. Now, I have a few friends, but they're of quality and they're worth my time. And I'm happy with that. However, there are some people in my life that I innocently lost touch with and vice versa. I am, from now on, going to work on extending myself out to those people in hopes to reconnect and catch up. Everyone needs a good friend in life and I know that's what I am.

Growing up and realizing things in my life is absolutely amazing. Scary, but amazing. I am very grateful for the people in my life, who were in my life, and who will continue to be in my life. With that said, I'm off to hang out with boyfriend for a bit.

Thank you to all those who disappointed me. You gave me wonderful expectations that have only granted me true friends.