Aggravated

Why is it that people seem to have higher expectations for me, but I don't hold the same for them? When it comes to relationships, whether it be between friends or boyfriends or whatever, I seem to be a tad low maintenance. Most of you should be thankful. Like seriously. But lately, I find myself disappointing others. I feel as if I've lost a few friends.

So, here is a little something about me. When you're a good friend, I will be a good friend in return. I care more about YOUR feelings than I probably do my own. I will bend over backwards for you before you ever bend backwards for me. I am extremely understanding. If you bail on me or flake or whatever you prefer to call it... opt to not stay true to your plans... then guess what. I don't get offended. If you don't want to hang out with me, if you find something better to do, by all means, don't cut yourself short. I think you should be able to do what you want. And quite frankly, if you would rather not hang out with me, then I don't wanna hang out with you. I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want.

I'm gonna use Tuna and I as an example of what I deem "understanding." For those of you who don't know who Tuna is... She is my BFF Ashley Birchler - we met in high school. Ring a bell? Well... whatever. Ok, so she and I have been friends for a while now obviously. We talk every now and then over the phone, but we always coordinate to see each other when I'm home for breaks and stuff. Here's the awesome part. She is actually WILLING to drive me around if I don't have a car. She understands that I maintain a rather busy social schedule when I go home. There have been many times on my part where I have bailed because either I forgot I made other plans, or I'm just too tired to hang. And same with her. We actually tell each other "Tuna, I just don't wanna hang out tonight." Or "Brian and I are gonna go see a movie Tuna, you're welcome to come." Plain and freakin' simple. And we DON'T GET OFFENDED.

So perhaps I'm just more understanding than my friends. Perhaps I should hold the same expectations for them that they hold for me.

In no way am I disregarding anyone's feelings. I swear I'm not. As previously stated, I care more about your feelings than I probably do my own. I'm sorry if I offend you with my easy-going ways. I'm sorry that you think it's okay to bail on me, but when it comes to me doing what I want, you can't seem to handle it with maturity and consideration.

Overall, I'm tired of this double standard. I called Asia last night after a little "tiff" with a friend, and asked her if I'm a bad friend or a bitch. She always gives me honest answers, so I figured it would be fine to call her. She -in no way- thinks I deserve the kind of crap I've been put through with friends. I'm gonna use this as an example: Asia was feelin' a little blue on Saturday night, so I grabbed some mac 'n cheese, wine, and some of my fave movies, and headed on over to her place to cheer her up. I think it was a mission accomplished. And last night, although I couldn't hang out and watch movies and eat tacos and drink wine with her (Ducks game), I stopped by her place to lend her my Sex and the City DVD (the cure to everything) so that she could watch it whenever she had time. Does this constitute a good friend? Perhaps. I think so.

I've done the same for quite a few friends. So why is it that I don't expect the same from them? Maybe people just get too used to me going out of my way for them all the time... maybe that's why they become practically immobile when I'm not around all the time.

I will always consider your feelings and I will always try to fix crap that I probably shouldn't take an effort in fixing in the first place. So, perhaps, maybe you could be a bit more empathetic and a bit more understanding. That would be sincerely appreciated.