Do you consider yourself too nice? Are you nice to people who don't deserve it? Do you put your feelings aside for others? Do you consider yourself more empathetic towards others than they are towards you? Do you think you go out of your way for people and don't get rewarded for it?
If you answered "yes" to these questions, then you could be suffering from Toxic Niceness.
What inspired me to write this? Oh... because I feel like I've been taken advantage of. Many, many times have I been taken advantage of. Why? Oh, because I'm too damn nice. I have offered to be there for people, drive or be DD for people who have had a rough week and need to get their drink on. I've offered to cover shifts to pick up more hours, I've offered to help people with whatever for whatever reason(s). And guess what? It got me NOWHERE.
See... I question who would do the same for me. Who would be my DD? Who would bring me wine and dinner when I'm feelin' down? Who would send me a simple text to check in to see how I'm doing? Who would cover my shift knowing it's only fair? I mean... really... there aren't too many people.
I have realized something rather important. What gets me places is my hard work, my dedication, my motivation and drive to excel in anything I put my mind to. It's not about being nice. Being polite, yes. But being too nice doesn't do anything but make me feel like a doormat for people.
My inner bitch tells me not to be too nice anymore, so I simply won't be too nice anymore. I will listen to her this time around because I am tired of feeling beaten down by people. It seems to become an expectation. People expect me to be 100% willing ALL OF THE TIME to give ALL OF MY TIME AND EFFORT to them. Nope, not anymore.
I will continue to look after myself, but I'll keep my feelings, emotions, wants and needs high on my priority list. I have to accept that being "nice" is just a quality I have, not a bad one, but one that can be overlooked and abused.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to be a huge bitch from now on, I just won't empathize with people as much if they're just not deserving of my caring concern.
If you suffer from Toxic Niceness, I suggest you tap into your inner bitch, knock on her door and listen to what she has to say.
That's all for now.
Signed,
The Oh So Fabulous Bitch.
i left you a text today young lady! no response! haha. its okay, you're prob busy.
ReplyDeleteyea i feel you. i'm way too considerate. but oh well. bc if people do suck, we can be like hey we're a good friend and you're lame and they can't say anything. bc it's true.