I'm sitting at work, working on homework. I have been assigned to write a personal narrative paper. I am being required to dig deep into myself and into my past to find my future. My professor, the most philosophical man I have ever met up until a few moments ago, has bestowed many concerns within me and within my life. I live my life not according to my values. I live my life according to my expectations. I live according to responsibilities, morally, financially and academically. My time is spent sleeping, working and performing stupid responsibilities throughout my days that, I have been taught, are essential.
A guest just walked into the spa. I've seen him around 3 or 4 times within the past month. He wanted a massage. But before I could say anything, he said "What happened to your eyes, darlin'?" I immediately told him that my bloody eyes are a result of eye hemorrhages from excessive coughing from being sick. He looked at me and said... "No, this tells me you have a king's heart that is so big that it overflows inside your body because you have not listened."
He stood in the spa and went off on philosophical tangents that I cannot repeat because I feel as if his words went straight to the very thought of me. Here I was, sitting here, writing a paper, realizing that I do not live the life I want to live, realizing that I don't yet know what my calling is, or if I have perhaps missed it... or perhaps I have answered the wrong calling. I don't know. But I was sitting here, and a stranger tells me I have not listened to my heart.
It gave me chills. I told him that it was extremely coincidental because I was indeed realizing the very same thing at the very same moment. He asked me about what I was writing. I told him what the purpose of the paper was. And he went off on a tangent again. He said the most elaborate, Shakespearean-sounding words. And then he told me this: "Find your calling. Look back into your life and think about the thing that made you happiest. Think about what you did that you loved; your umbrella (metaphorically speaking). Then think about what you overcame when you were little that made you survive an event. That thing you overcame eventually became your defense mechanism. Marry your umbrella with your defense mechanism. It will afford you the ability to be able to live your legacy in the time of your life."
I can't translate it. What did I love to do as a kid? What event did I escape? What is my defense mechanism?
He came in for a massage, and instead, he said his soul was massaged. He said I opened a window for him. He said he was meant to speak to me. This encounter happened for a reason.
I don't know what the reason is yet... perhaps I needed a wake up call to finally dig deep into myself to find what I am supposed to do. Or maybe, I needed a good example of why not to do drugs.
I have no idea. I am confused now. But I still have the chills.
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