Retreat? Por favor?

Anyone know of an inexpensive retreats in California or Arizona? Or anywhere else? I could use one. The whole shebang-bang. Nature, no cell phones, natural, holistic foods, detoxing/fasting, yoga, massages, acupuncture. I mean, the works. Or does anyone have any ideas as to how I can create my own retreat? Because insanity is so unfitting for me.  I thought about creating my own, but it would be hard to "remove" myself from my everyday life to do a miniscule retreat. Like... use Tuesday, my only day off, to turn off my cell, go to Massage Envy for a cheap massage, go to the gym to take a yoga class, and like... drink lemonade and cayenne paper and honey or whatever that cleanse thing is... but I fear it wouldn't be healing like a retreat. Let me know if you know of anything or have any ideas!!! PLEASE!!! and Thank you!!!